The Career Coach's Blog

What happens when the difficult co-worker is you?

I was quoted in this article. Thanks Sarah for including me!

Everyone has a co-worker horror story.

But, have you ever thought, maybe, you're that person in the office to someone, too?

"You might feel like people are staring at you or talking about you. Coworkers leave the room when you arrive, or you're not invited to lunches or parties," says Deborah Brown-Volkman, Career Coach and President of Surpass Your Dreams, Inc.

"People do their best to limit interactions with you."

"When I point annoying behaviors out to clients, they already know they have them." says Volkman.

Full article at:

http://littlepinkbook.com/little-pink-book/coworker-horror-story

 

Make Different Choices In Your Career

Article I wrote:

Your career is filled with choices. Some of them will empower you, and others will hold you back. 

Wherever you are now in your career, you have arrived there by choice. Maybe your choice was something you chose outright. Or, you chose not to choose, which was also a choice. Either way, if you are unhappy in your career, you must realize that your choices have contributed to your unhappiness.

Of course, no-one intentionally makes bad choices. Every time you were about to make a choice about a new job or project, you probably thought it was the best choice at the time. You weighed your options and believed that you were doing the right thing. But then, the result was not what you expected. When you learn to start questioning choices that are bad for you before you make them, that’s when you can make choice that are more beneficial for your career in the future.

So How Do You Make Different Choices In Your Career? Follow These Important 2 Steps Below.

1. Take Responsibility For Your Choices

Setbacks in your career usually do not arise not by accident, but as a result of the choices you’ve made.

For example:

• You choose to complete a project on your own. This choice holds you back because you are alienating others, rather than building a supportive network. Not only have you lost valuable allies, you have also needlessly caused yourself to work harder.
• You choose to send e-mails when you are angry. This choice holds you back because co-workers remember your rash decisions, thus straining your relationships with them.
• You choose to work excessively long hours. This choice holds you back because your hectic schedule drains your energy, clouds your perspective, and casts a shadow over your relationships. It creates an unbalanced life.
• You choose to coast through your career. This choice holds you back because your lack of passion will surely lead to lack of focus and direction.

It’s always easier to blame someone else for mishaps in your career. But when you can honestly look at the part you’ve played, and take responsibility for your piece, that’s when your choices can change going forward.  No one is saying things haven’t happened to you. I am saying that if you focus outward instead of inward, your career will stay the same.

2. Decide To Make Different Choices

Today is a brand new day, and although you cannot change your past choices, you can change your future ones.

Ask yourself the following. What choices am I making today? What choices am I continuing to make even though I know they are not good for me? Do I know in my gut that it’s time to make different choices, but I still hesitate?

Now, ask yourself these questions. What will I do differently going forward? For example, will I take deep breaths before sending emails? Will I be more inquisitive during job interviews? Will I work less hours so I can be more productive with my time?

Can making this decision transform your career that easily? Yes, because it’s a place to start, and when you start doing things differently, that’s when you get different results.

 

Editorial: Put Long Island brain power to work

Great artice in Newsday about where jobs in Long Island can come from. 

"Long Island has to compete in research and innovation and the commercialization of new ideas to produce homegrown start-ups. The payoff would be high-paying jobs for software engineers, biologists, chemists, physicists, technicians and spin-off jobs to support the vibrant new sectors."

Full article at:

http://www.newsday.com/mobile/opinion/editorial-put-long-island-brain-power-to-work-1.4780258

Your Career No Man Is An Island

Article I wrote:

Are you someone who likes to ask for help or someone who prefers to do everything alone?

What’s the difference? One way makes your career easier and the other prolongs the process if you are having a problem. Can you guess which one?

Ask yourself this, “If someone asked you for help, would you help them?” Most people would say yes. So, if you are ok helping someone else, why wouldn’t you let someone else help you?

No man (or woman) is an island. We are not meant to reach our goals alone; we are meant to be successful through the assistance of others. Imagine the possibilities if you let this thought sink in. Your entire career (and life) could be completely transformed. And, you would have a pathway to solving your problems and reaching your goals.

So, How Can You Ask For Help In Your Career? Follow These 3 Steps Below.

1. Tell Yourself That Asking For Help Is Ok

Most people do not like to ask for help. We like to do everything on our own and prefer to tackle challenges without assistance. We view ourselves as strong and asking for help as weak. We worry how we will be viewed if we ask for help. Maybe our request will bother the person we are asking or paint us in a negative light. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness; it means we have thought through an idea or challenge and were not able to solve it alone. It means it’s time for someone else (besides ourselves) to help with the process. The cliché, “two heads are better than one,” has been around for many years for a reason. Help makes everything easier.

2. Recognize That Help Is A Good Thing

Help means your career challenges will be solved quicker. Imagine no longer having to struggle on your own anymore. Imagine no longer having only one perspective. Imagine no longer needlessly worrying about what is going to happen next. You could have champions on your side who believe in you and want to help. Even if the person you asked for help could not help you, you would have a sounding board to listen to your ideas. And, a second pair of eyes and ears is vital when you are in a situation that may be hard or overwhelming for you.

3. Asking Makes You Courageous, Not Cowardly

It takes courage to ask for help. You don’t know what the other person is going to say. You are taking a leap of faith. You are opening up your heart and your mind to another person in hopes of getting resolution. This means your goal is important to you and you are committed to achieving it. You are done being afraid and confused. You are ready to take action to move forward despite the uncertainty. That makes you courageous: going for what you want and leaving fear behind; leaving what someone may or may not think about you behind; letting go of how you may (or may not) be judged. Courage to ask for help is what will make you successful. Courage will help you reach your goals.

Your Career Not Everyone Will Understand You

Article I wrote:

Do you have career dreams or wishes that you want to come true, but when you tell people your thoughts they have no idea what you are saying? Or, they understand your words, but then they try to talk you out of it, or they give you a long speech about why it won’t work.

Not everyone will understand what you want to accomplish in your career. Maybe you want a new job but the people in your life tell you to forget about it and just be happy where you are. Or, you want a new career, but you are told it doesn’t make sense or you won’t make enough money. Or, you want to start a business that you have been thinking about for years, and you hear about how no one will visit your establishment.

What Do You Do When In Your Heart You Know The Right Next Move For Your Career, But You Are Not Getting The Support You Need To Reach Your Goal? Follow These 3 Steps Below.

1. Let Go Of Your Need For Outside Approval

While it would be wonderful for everyone to love your career vision, this is not always possible. Sometimes people tell you something isn’t feasible, but they are not talking about you. Instead, they are talking about themselves. Maybe they were disappointed or hurt when they tried to do something in their career and because it didn’t turn out well for them, they assume the same will happen to you. Not everyone in life will understand you. Not everyone will embrace your ideas. This is only a problem if you listen to the naysayers rather than the champions. One person telling you your idea is no good can derail you even if four people earlier said they loved it.

It doesn’t matter what other people think, only what you think. If you are waiting for other people to applaud your ideas before you can implement them, you may be waiting for a long time. You may think that you need everyone to love what you are doing. While it would be nice to have approval, real approval comes from you and no one else.

2. Map Our Your Career Idea

While you may have doubts that your idea will materialize, you won’t know until you try. No one understands your idea more than you, so get your idea out of your head and down on paper. Ask yourself questions such as “What do I want?” “What do I know?” “What do I need to learn?’ As well as “Why won’t it work and why it will work?” Map out what you will do first, second, third, and so on. You can’t implement something until you can see, so starting seeing it.

3. Put One Foot In Front Of The Other

All goals are reached one step at a time. A slow and steady climb that takes you where you want to go. You take one step that leads to the next step and so on. In addition, your confidence will increase as the steps accumulate. The further you go down the road, the more clearly you will see the finish line. As your confidence grows so will the confidence of the people around you. When they see your progress, they will begin to believe in you. That’s why it’s so important to not let other views and opinions deter you from starting. Needing outside approval doesn’t have to be the main obstacle that keeps you from being happy in your career.

 

Get The Balance Back Into Your Career

Article I wrote:

Are you out of balance in your career? You know you are when your career is all you think about. You worry constantly about where your career is headed. You believe that you can’t be happy until your career problems are solved. And, it might be starting to affect your health. 

Balance is a tough concept is today’s workplace. There are more demands, more stress, and more reasons to feel dissatisfied or unfulfilled by what you do. You may want to be balanced, but don’t know where to start. Or, you may have tried, but balance seems to be this elusive concept you can’t achieve.

Being out of balance from time to time is normal. But when your career takes over your life and becomes your sole focus, it’s time to do something about it. Balance is important because it gives you the ability to see your situation clearly. Clarity brings focus. Focus brings options. Options bring solutions.

So How Do You Get Back Into Balance? Follow These 3 Steps Below.

1. Recognize That Your Career Is Only A Slice Of The Pie

When something is not working in one area of your life, it can easily affect the others. How can you make plans in your life when you are in limbo or there is uncertainty in your career? The problem with that thinking (or that question) is it keeps you from moving forward, finding answers, or taking action to do something differently. When you focus solely on one aspect of your life, you lose perspective and when perspective is lost, so is hope and momentum.

Many people define themselves by what they do, and when that is lost or in jeopardy, they are lost too. Your career, although a big part of your life, is only a piece of the bigger picture. It is what you do for a living, to pay the bills and take care of yourself and your family. Yes, you want a satisfying career, one that makes a difference for others. But if you don’t have that at the moment, don’t let your frustration or disappointment take over your entire life.

2. Stop Obsessing

I have clients that can tell me the exact conversation that took place (sometimes years or decades ago) that was their downfall. Or the moment they were let go that changed their whole life. They ask me why it happened or what they should have done differently.

I understand how hard their situations are. Having a problem you can’t solve or control can easily throw you off track. I can’t change what has happened or what is happening to you. I can tell you that you are wasting valuable time on something that is in your past. Rather than use that energy obsessing about what has happened, use that energy towards planning your future.  Obsessing may be your attempt to figure out what went wrong, or fix it, but really it just holds you back and prevents you from moving forward.

3. Take The Focus Off Your Career

You may be spending too much time thinking about yourself. That is part of the problem and one of the reasons you are out of balance. You are spending too much time focusing on you. Ask yourself who you can help or who you can give back to. Have extra time these days? Where can you volunteer and help people who are in a worse situation than you? You may think you have nothing to give back, but you do. Giving back will help you feel better. Life is about making a difference and helping others. When you take the focus off yourself, that’s when the miracles happen. Your career gets better when you get better and when you feel better about yourself.

Love Your Career Again

Article I wrote:

Do you love what do for a living? Or, did you used to love what you do, but not anymore? Or, are you in a career that you think you could never love?
 
Your love for your career comes from you. Yes, outside circumstances can shape that love, or deter it, but ultimately you own your heart, thoughts, and feelings. What actions you take as a result of your inner knowledge is up to you.

Do you love your career or hate it? It’s important to be honest because you can’t move forward without honesty. You may not be in your dream career, but does that mean you cannot love it anyway?
 
So How Can You Love Your Career Again? Follow These 3 Steps Below:
 
1. Decide To Love Your Career Again
 
Decisions are important because they provide direction. And with direction, comes purpose and passion. That direction can come from you even when you feel like it can’t or you are waiting for someone else to give it to you. You can love your career again simply by deciding that you will love it again. This decision gives you freedom and an opening to love what you do, today, and not somewhere down the road. Decide to love what you do, for you, because loving it is better than hating it and you will be happier once you go with the flow rather than in the other direction.
 
2. Focus On What You Do Love
 
Every career has something positive. Ask yourself what do I love about mine? Do you love the people you work with? Do you love a project you are working on? Do you love the difference you could be making if you were not so fixated on what is missing? You get what you expect. You also get what you give. Change your focus and where you are putting your energies. Focus on the great aspects of your career and what it provides. A new perspective (and focus) will generate new energy, and new energy could lead you to love your career again.
 
3. Love Where You Are Planted
 
No matter what you are doing, it can be great if you tell yourself that it is great. Even if it’s not ideal, you can still give it your all and be the best at it. If you loved where you are right now, what would you be doing differently? Good things, I bet, so start doing them. You will not love your career until you act like you love it.  Imagine this; you could be thriving in your career if you were not resisting it. This means you have more power over your career than you think. So what are you going to do with yours?

 

Get Uncomfortable In Your Career

Article I wrote...

Are you happy in your career or just going through the motions? Do you know it's time to act, but you don't want to? Are you pushing yourself to do more, and be more, or are you too comfortable being comfortable?

Making a change in your career involves work, and not everyone likes to do work. Whether it's a new job, a new career, or a new way of dealing with a problem at work, challenging situations do not change without your active participation.

Maybe making changes in your career used to be easier. Maybe jobs were handed to you, or opportunities came quicker. Because of the nature of today's workplace and the competitiveness among workers for jobs, those days are long gone. You get change when you work for change. You can wish that the process for change would be different, and they will be different once you put in the effort. (Or, when you keep going past the point where you want to stop.)

Where Do You Begin? Follow These 3 Steps Below.

1. Admit You Are Comfortable

You cannot fix what you cannot admit. So, say it. You are comfortable. Maybe you like being comfortable and that is ok. Why push yourself if you do not have to? The problem is being comfortable keeps you stuck. Rather than having something to look forward to in the future, you are trapped in your day-to-day life and routines. And although being comfortable allows you to not have to push yourself or exert any unnecessary effort, your comfortableness leaves you unfulfilled and unhappy.  So ask yourself, what is worse, moving forward or staying where you are? You will choose forward movement once you admit that standing still is your worst option.

2. Decide To Be Uncomfortable

I am a big believer in deciding, because without decision nothing happens. So, decide to be uncomfortable. Not because someone else thinks you should, but because you want to. Not because you are being forced to, but because you know it's time. Decide to be uncomfortable because you miss the old you and are tired of being unhappy. Decide because you do not want to complain anymore, and have realized that your complaints are unproductive and are not taking you anywhere productive. Change happens when you decide to change. And once you've decided, then you are can move forward.

3. Get Uncomfortable

What was the last risk you took? It probably has been a while. If you are not ready to take a big risk, start with something smaller. Little risks build your confidence and inner belief that you can handle bigger ones. For example, if you don't usually speak up in meetings, contribute something this week. If you do not usually call people to follow up or ask for something that you need in your career, make one call this week. Something that will shake things up a bit and get you ready for something bigger.

If you want something different in your career, you have to do something different.  The world around you may not change or even want to change, but this is not about them, it's about you. Change is possible once you start making changes. Small steps over time produce great results. You just have to begin. 

4 steps to taming your career anxiety

Quoted in Ask Annie Fortune Magazine's Career Management section: 4 steps to taming your career anxiety.

Worrying about the future, in this economy, just makes you normal. But there are ways to get a grip on fear, instead of letting it control you.

Deborah Brown-Volkman, head of career coaching firm Surpass Your Dreams, Inc., in East Moriches, N.Y., agrees: "Career fear is normal. You wouldn't be human without it." She adds that many of her clients share your anxiety, but "they tell me they shouldn't be afraid. I ask them why they would put so much pressure on themselves -- to expect something that unrealistic. It's much better to expect fear, so you can learn how to manage it."

"What you resist persists, so stop resisting," suggests Brown-Volkman. "What are you afraid of? Write it down. Say it out loud." 

"If you wait to be fear-free" before tackling the foregoing, Brown-Volkman says, "you will be waiting for a long time. Now is the moment to decide what control your fear will have over you -- whether it will paralyze you or motivate you. Deciding is important, because it's the step where you take your power back."

Full article at:

http://management.fortune.cnn.com/2013/02/08/4-steps-to-taming-your-career-anxiety/

GlassDoor's Employees' Choice Awards Best Places To Work 2013

GlassDoor's annual awards, 50 best places to work.

#1 is Facebook. Some companies on the list I was surprised to see.

See the full list at:

http://www.glassdoor.com/Best-Places-to-Work-LST_KQ0,19.htm